Asian Salad

There are very few “convertible days” in Texas, meaning days when one can drive around in a convertible comfortably. It is usually too, as in too hot, too cold, too windy – too something. But the other day was one of those rare convertible days making it not unpleasant to run errands, getting in and out of the car or even eating in the car.

Eating in the car is a staple of motherhood. It just has to be done and I even enjoy it. Antique Daddy does not understand this. To him, dining “a la car” is some level of sin, menial, venial, social. To him, just as you would not eat in church, you do not eat in your car. Like all humans, I go to great lengths to hide my sins, so anytime Sean and I eat in the car, I make sure to remove all evidence.

So, the other day after dropping Sean off at school, I did some shopping and ran some errands. I had a lot to get done that day, so I went through the McDonald’s drive through and picked up an Asian salad. I am no fan of McDonalds, but their new Asian salad is really pretty good.

I was looking forward to parking my car under a nice shade tree, opening the sunroof and eating my salad all alone in the peace and quiet of my car. I was looking forward to reading an uninterrupted chapter in whatever book I happen to have in the car, this time “Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim” by David Sedaris -a great book for the car or airport or doctor’s office or anywhere you find yourself with a few minutes to read.

I drove a half or mile or so and found a nice shady spot. I parked my car and popped the dome lid off the salad. I sprinkled it with the sliced almonds and Paul Newman’s very own sesame dressing. My mouth was watering. I was hungry and could not wait to dig in. I looked in the bag for the plasticware and found only a knife and one flimsy napkin. I looked again. I looked in the seat of the car. I looked under the seat of the car. No fork. I looked in the side pockets of the car hoping that just maybe a spork from the ghost of drive-through past would magically appear. I cursed myself for several reasons: 1) for not checking the bag before driving off and 2) for throwing away spare sporks 3) for the fact that I am amused by the phrase “spare sporks.”

Well, that was just great. I had a salad and no way to eat it. I reviewed my options. A) Drive back to McDonalds and go through the drive through again for a fork – or – park, go inside and stand in line for a fork. That would take at least another 30 minutes. B) Run into Bed Bath and Beyond and buy that set of Gorham flatware for eight that I’ve been wanting. C) Save the salad and have it for dinner. So what if it would be several hours before I got home. What are the odds, really, of getting food poisoning? D) Throw out a perfectly good salad and spend 20 minutes in the Taco Bueno drive through for a party burrito. E) Eat the salad with my hands.

I was hungry, tired, frustrated and three days into PMS. The man running the weed eater right outside my car window as I was trying to enjoy a salad and book in peace and quiet acted like he’d never seen a woman eat a salad with her hands before.

If they’re going to make you eat a salad with your hands, they ought to at least give you extra napkins.

13 thoughts on “Asian Salad

  1. Been there, done that. Sooo frustrating. I’m really enjoying your blog as a 41 yr. old holding out hopes for a chance at motherhood. But I think I’d laugh anyways!


  2. As a survivor of “geriatric pregnancy,” I love reading your blog. You make me feel so at home….

    My family frequently refers to my car as “the traveling trash heap,” but on at least one occasion, I’ve found myself in the situation you describe with your salad, and hopped to the back of the car, pulled out a set of extra chopsticks left there from takeout, and gone about my business. They wonder why I have all that stuff back there — well THAT’S WHY!


  3. I would have done exactly the same thing….once in pure desperation I used two (unsharpened) pencils as chopsticks.

    That asian salad from McDonalds is fantastic! Definite worth eating with your hands!


  4. You are a goofball, and I love you. In a non-creepy, non-stalkish sort of way. LOL Thanks for sharing your adventures with us. :O)


  5. Re: David Sedaris. The second or third story in that book? About how his family was night owls and at 10:00 at night his mama was having her third or 48th cup of coffee? I laughed until I cried. And “spare sporks”? That’s humor. Just is.



  6. I was thinking that buying the flatware you wanted anyway sounded like a great option. That tells you something about my ability to rationalize my buying decisions, doesn’t it? Ha!


  7. I would have done the same thing AM. When I’m hungry, there is no stopping me from getting the food from the container to my mouth, with or without the PMS.

    The last sentence makes me think that you could do another one of your own renditions of “If you give a mouse a cookie”…


  8. My HERO. . .I am glad to know I’m not the only one to consume food in a manner never intended by the eating establishment or even our Creator. . .desperate times call for desperate measures. I hope you waved to the yardman as the Newman’s Own dripped daintily from your fingertips.


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