When Dog-People Become Parents

Before Sean came along, we were the kind of people who are sickeningly stupid-crazy about their dog. At parties we enjoyed telling stories about amusing things our dog did and we always had to hurry to get home to the dog. No child was ever more high-maintenance than our dog. When we travelled, we hired a pet sitter or sometimes MeMaw was nice enough to keep Cooper Ann because boarding her like some animal was out of the question. Because she was a princess, Cooper Ann’s caretaker had to have a primer on her care and feeding.

Dear MeMaw:

Thank you for keeping our precious baby Cooper Ann while we are away. Here are a few things you must know about her:

– She likes to get up early and get in bed with you. She will prefer your pillow. Be sure to rub her tummy (clockwise).
– When she is ready to get up, make sure she goes tee-tee before you feed her.
– Give her dry food with 1 and ½ tablespoons of canned food on top. She will turn her nose up at this.
– Then you may give her the egg that George made you for breakfast.
– After breakfast turn on the Today show for her. She likes Matt.
– She requires two walks a day, morning and late afternoon.
– She may have a treat after she goes poo poo.
– Leave the drapes open so that she can see out.
– Don’t shut the bathroom door. She doesn’t like a closed door.
– If she seems bored, take her for a ride in the car. If that doesn’t work, she will enjoy a trip to PetCo.
– Tell her Mommy and Daddy love her and will be back soon.
– Listed below is our hotel number, our cell phone numbers, our work numbers, our vet’s number, my parent’s numbers and my neighbor’s numbers who know our vet’s number. We will call several times a day to check on her.

She is very very special to us, so please don’t let her out of your sight. We cannot replace her.

Antique Mommy

You might think we would be even more sickeningly stupid-crazy about our kid, but no, we are not. We are now very tired.

Dear MeMaw:

Thank you for keeping Sean while we’re gone. We’ll be back one of these days. Don’t call us unless there is blood. You still got the vet’s number? That’ll work.

Antique Mommy

Maybe we should have had the kid first.

20 thoughts on “When Dog-People Become Parents

  1. Man, it makes me think that I screwed up when the first time we left our daughter with my MIL… I didn’t do any of that stuff you did with Cooper Ann and I didn’t have a dog to do it on first!

    Maybe I was a little too unconcerned… or just so happy to be free for a night!


  2. Thank you for the smile. That entry reminds me of me, before my daughter. I was, I confess, a cat woman. My friends worried about me dying old and alone with a house full of cats to whom I was devoted (we had six when my husband and I got married). Now? The poor things, their number winnowed down to three through passings across the River Styx, have been relegated to an occasional pat on the head. Things sure do change when you have little ones!


  3. Susan: “Shiteranian” – that made me laugh out loud! Very funny comment.

    Lundie: My MIL still gives me grief about the multiple page instructive document we gave her and made her read and study before we left Cooper with her the first time. She in turn kept a very snarky Cooper-written diary to present us with when we returned. I should publish it for y’all.


  4. I totally relate. Our first “child” turned 10 in August. He is half pomeranian and half shi tzu, or as Mark likes to say “a shiteranian.”

    I could tell you stories about how spoiled he is, but it is too embarrassing. He stays with my parents if we go out of town. He cannot stay with my in laws. I trust them with my kids, but not my dog. They just don’t understand dog love.


  5. Golly— you went straight to third child on a first pregnancy. Usually first babies are a study of fumbling fingers, but by the third kid you can change their diapers with both hands tied behind your back — using only scotch tape any you front teeth. Give this girl a prize! If it’s money, she will grab Sean and rush to PetCo! You have to admit his nose kisses are better than Cooper Ann’s any day!


  6. When I was pregnant with my first child, I actually said to my best friend that I was afraid I wouldn’t love my baby as much as my dog.

    …I almost forgot I had a dog once I got home from the hospital.


  7. Same syndrome occurs between #1 and #4 child.
    #1 has an entire completed baby book featuring photos taken professionally every 3 months.
    #4 is lucky I wrote her name in her baby book and school pictures suffice.
    Ahhh , more guilt. Just what I needed!


  8. Traci, I know what you’re saying. It’s hard to be dignified when you are carrying a bag of poop! My little Cooper Ann had a delicate constitution, so sometimes I even had to wipe her tailess butt. The things we do for those we love….


  9. Laughing so hard I’m almost crying. We’ve had our boxer, Avedis, for almost seven years. The first time we left him with my in-laws overnight we had a six (yes 6!) page document on how to care for him – his commands, emergency numbers, what he was and was not allowed to do, eat, etc.

    We haven’t done an overnight away yet (Jack’s only 14 months) but when they’ve watched him for extended periods we just leave a diaper bag and a sippy cup and figure they’ll know how to do the rest!

    Glad to know we’re not alone in our dog-mania past!


  10. I’ve never had a dog, so I like a little laugh at passionate dog lovers. Winter time is my favorite – when many well-dressed young professionals are out walking their “babies” with steaming plastic bags on one hand. I’m pretty sure I prefer changing diapers.

    But I’m in a tight spot now – at least when you get a dog first, he/she doesn’t beg with huge crying puppy dog eyes for a baby human until you can’t take it anymore.


  11. Crazy dog person? What’s that? Tim and I are crazy about our little boy, who just happens to be furry and walk on four legs.

    Yes, we completely spoil our dog and miss him terribly when we’re away. Earlier this year, Ben (the dog) stayed at my parents’ house when we went out of town and my Mom, knowing just how much we missed our little guy, actually sent us “I miss you” Hallmark e-cards signed from Ben. I hope someday I can be as good a mom as she is.


  12. Oh this is so like my husband and I!! We are expecting our first kiddo in April, but we are crazy about our dog. She is really our 1st child. Spoiled completely. I don’t know what she is going to do when the baby comes and the attention shifts off of her. 🙂


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