When Good Sandals Go Bad

The other day I decided that I would class it up around here and so I went grocery shopping at Target instead of Wal-Mart. I put on real clothes and I even wore my good sandals instead of my flip-flops.

The bad thing about grocery shopping at Target is that by the time you load up your cart with dollar bin crap stuff and fashion accessories and home décor and t-shirts and kitchen gadgets and a CD and a birthday card and a toy for a very good boy and stuff that I now can’t even remember – there is no room for groceries. And then you have to go to Wal-Mart the next day to get groceries. But not before explaining to your spouse why we have dollar bin stuff and a CD, but no cereal.

As luck would have it, I had just enough room in my cart for a carton of rice milk, the main reason I went “grocery” shopping in the first place.

As luck would not have it, there was only one carton of rice milk left and it was waaaaaay back in the refrigerator case and not a soul around to help me get it. Unless I had the arms of Dikembe Mutombo I was not going to reach that milk. However, that bit of knowledge and information did not stop me from trying, no siree. I was a mom on a mission. I was going to get milk for my child even if I had to army crawl into the refrigerator case. And so I did.

What I didn’t count on is that my lovely leather Papagallo sandals would be so slippery. As I leaned into the case I sorta slipped out of my sandals and launched myself headlong into the case. I got my hands on the carton (yay!) but only because the freezer door hit me in the butt (boo!) and propelled me forward that extra half inch (yay!)

In spite of the angry protest put up by my knees, I backed out of the refrigerator case, now as fresh a refrigerated cucumber. I put my sandals back on and turned just in time to see a very puzzled looking stock boy with a semi-load of rice milk.

As I left the store with a cart full of groceries whatever and rice milk, it was raining lightly. I’m not exactly the prissy type, so I decided to make a sashay for it. When you have on good sandals, you don’t run, you sashay. Unfortunately, sashsaying in good sandals on damp pavement may cause you to spontaneously enact moves seen only at the conclusion of a figure skating program.

I did not know that I could still do the splits.

32 thoughts on “When Good Sandals Go Bad

  1. It’s OK–I’ve sent my CHILD inside of shelves, army crawl style to retrieve something for me and then fished them back out by their ankles. I don’t think we’ve done that trick in the freezer, though. We have to use the resources we have at our disposal, right? 🙂


  2. I am falling off my chair laughing. I have soooo been there. What is it about Mommyhood that makes us move and hurt in ways we never knew we could?


  3. At least you are young enough to get back out of the cooler without help. We went to a grandson’s graduation last Friday and I twisted my ankle stepping on uneven blacktop on the way out. I hit the pavement so fast, that I was down before I knew I was going to fall. People came from all directions to help the little old lady (who should know better than to wear high heels). The worst part of being over the hill is not being able to get up gracefully. Oh, yeah, that and ruining my favorite pair of slacks. By the way,—your Target has food?


  4. Although much of Texas probably wouldn’t approve, I am an “antique dad” myself. An even older vintage. At 54 I’ve got twins, boy/girl, who will turn three this summer.

    I feel your joy and the occasional pains.

    I was Kentucky boy originally (back in the dark ages) but I live in France now. Not that that changes much. Antique is antique, the world over!

    All the best,


  5. I just found your blog and have linked it to mine. I can sympathize with you on having a baby late. Our 3rd came to us when I was 41 years old but then 3 years later, I had to start giving care to my elderly mom also. I’m still doing it 6 years later and it is no picnic. Bleh! Wish I had the energy at 50 that I had at 30. New motherhood at 41… and then “parenting a parent” at 44… they’ve got me about worn out.

    Hang in there!!

    Peace~ Wind


  6. Seriously, does all this really happen to you? LOL I think I’d stop leaving the house, but I guess after the dropping things over and over and over on your feet in your house makes it a moot point where you are, huh? LOL Well, it amuses all of us! So thanks!
    Nobody can believe all the p00p stories that happen to me with my 3yo, either. They are too numerous and far out there for the average mommy to fathom.


  7. I loved the “yay” “boo” comments.
    Target has that effect on me too. I can go in with a $30 list and come out with a truck load of stuff that I did not even know I “needed”.


  8. It’s something about those red circles isn’t it? They mesmerize and half-hypnotize you so that you are highly suggestible…
    Hope you’re not STILL feelin’those moves today =)


  9. Why is Target so damn good at forcing the impulse buys? I’m not even much of a shopper but Target gets me every time. Sounds like even though you still needed to grocery shop, you could probably skip the gym after your Target trip. That’s a twofer in my book.


  10. Love reading your blog. I don’t blog. I guess I am an official lurker. But I do really enjoy your blog. I’m usually laughing out loud and my boys have to come and see what’s so funny! Thanks for the chuckles!


  11. The only thing better than this very detailed description of your mishap? A video of you falling into the refrigerator case at the store. And then falling in the parking lot. Remind me to tell you about the time I broke my sandal at Main Event and had to hop to the disgusting bathroom…because I didn’t want my bare foot to touch the floor.


  12. Good grief woman. I need to go shopping with you. I think I might actually enjoy it then.

    Oh, and it will hurt more tomorrow, says the fellow splitser who never could do those moves back when she was 12.


  13. Ha!!! You had me LOLing thinking of all the times I have done crazy moves trying to get objects too far back on a shelf. One day, I tried and tried, and finally a college guy came up behind me and grabbed it for me. LOL


  14. I too went grocery shopping at Target this week after a 30 minute wait to pay for a cake at walmart last week.
    I am constantly having to ask people taller than me (which is most people…and some children) to reach some “must have” that is just out of my reach.


  15. Oh my goodness, my stomach hurts from laughing so hard.

    I had a similar experience attempting to get a package of on sale juice boxes on the very top shelf… I had to step on the lower shelf and strain my arm to reach (being short sucks) and as my fingertips felt the package my foot slipped and I hit my face on on the other shelves. Needless to say I missed out on the 2 for $3 pack of capri suns. I am shocked my face didnt have a bruise.I cant say the same for my ego.


  16. Somehow I’m picturing Dikembe Mutombo in Papagallo sandals running over the savanna with a jug of rice milk.

    Those freezers ought to have warning labels 🙂


  17. See, that’s what I love about Target. You buy things you didn’t know you needed while making physical moves you didn’t know you still possessed. It’s the complete shopping experience.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s