Skinny Jeans. In my ill-informed fashion opinion, skinny jeans are for skinny people — tall, long-legged, skinny people. I’ve never been tall or long-legged and I’m no longer skinny. I’m guessing there are probably only two other people besides Heidi Klum who should be wearing skinny jeans. Oprah and I are not those two people.
Leggings. See above. I bought leggings the first time around and I’m not falling for that again.
A shrug. For one thing, it’s a sweater, and it’s not even a whole sweater. It’s like 1/3 of a sweater. It’s like the thong of the sweater world — another prank played upon women by the fashion industry.
Any sweater or sweatshirt that has little bells sewn to the front.
Anything from Victoria’s Secret. I do not want to open a pair of cashmere undies in front of my father-in-law and then have to exclaim, “Oh! It’s just what I wanted! It’s just my size! I can’t wait to try these on!” And if I won’t dry clean a sweater, I certainly am not going to dry clean undies.
Fashion boots – is that what they are even called? The kind that go up to your knee and have 3-inch heels? You can have my share of fashion boots and I’ll admire yours. I’m pretty sure just the fact that I’m using the term “fashion boots” means I shouldn’t be allowed to own a pair. I’ll stick to my cowboy boots and hiking boots while I anxiously await the return of flip flop season.
Adult footsie pajamas.
Uggs — aptly named because they are UGGly. I would never put those on my feet unless I was stranded in the Alaskan wilderness. And only then, not because they would keep me warm, but because they are so ugly even a hungry bear would turn away.
Diamond earrings – I would lose one before the end of the day and then I would have to feel badly about that and I’m opposed to feeling badly.
Make-up kits that have 25 different eye shadows.
Because I am a positive and upbeat person, I will leave you with one fashion item I would like for Christmas. I would like to have a new chenille bathrobe as my current one has bald patches and leaves a trail of pink fuzz everywhere I go.