Goose Eggs With A Side of Synthroid

I don’t know what it says about me that two of the most popular search terms used to get this site are “child has goose egg on head” and “synthroid overdose”.  I thought I’d save the world wide web the trouble today and put this all-inclusive post right up at the top. It was originally published in April of 2007.

* * *

Two of the worst things that have ever happened to my child have happened when he was sitting on my kitchen counter and I was standing less than one foot away from him. Which is probably an indictment of my kitchen counter style of parenting.

I wrote about The Goose Egg Incident recently. Apparently falling off the kitchen counter and whacking his head on the floor hasn’t impaired his memory as just yesterday when I hoisted him up onto the counter he advised, “You need to watch me better. I could fall off of here and get hurt!” It was the finger wag in my face that I thought was a bit much. Inside my three-year-old lives a Jewish mother who is a police officer in her spare time.

The other incident I haven’t written about because… a) I don’t like to think about it, b) I’m embarrassed and c) it could probably be used as evidence.

About a year ago, Sean was sitting on the kitchen counter while I was standing nearby doing some important parenting thing like watching HGTV from the kitchen. I turned my back for not more than ten seconds and when I turned back Sean had grabbed my prescription bottle of Synthroid and removed the childproof lid. He had his head thrown back like he was taking a shot of whiskey, little white powdery whiskey balls. Someone should really invent that, little whiskey pills.

When I saw that he was foaming at the mouth and his little cheeks were puffed up like a winter squirrel, I of course, FREAKED OUT! My eyes bugged out of my head, all the air whooshed out of my lungs and sucked my brain right down into my esophagus.

I pried open his mouth and dug out a handful of pills and then I grabbed him by the feet and turned him upside down and started shaking him like a saltshaker. Which he thought was de-light-ful fun. He giggled and squealed “Do it again Mommy!” He seemed absolutely fine. I was out $30 worth of medication, but he was fine.

And then – then came the worst part of all. I had to call the pediatrician’s office. And give my real name. And explain. How. It. Happened.

So while I waited on hold for the doctor, I Googled “Synthroid overdose” and continued to FREAK OUT, but now in a more quiet and controlled manner. And also a very sweaty manner. It’s hard to type when your fingers keep slipping off the keyboard.

Finally, the nurse picked up and for some reason, when you are totally freaked out, people in authority either can’t understand what you are saying, can’t buh-leeve what you’re saying or go temporarily deaf. Because they keep asking you the same questions over and over. And this only serves to ratchet up the freak out level.

Me: Hi, this AM. My son! My son Sean, he ate my pills, my Synthroid. He opened the bottle somehow – childproof ha! – and just ate them. Chomp chomp, just like a squirrel. A very hungry Synthroid-eating squirrel.

Nurse: I’m sorry who is this?

Me: Antique Mommy, my son is Sean.

Nurse: And what is your son’s name?

Me: Sean. S-E-A-N. Sean. He’s two.

Nurse: And how old is he?

That’s when I take the phone and start hitting myself in the head with it.

Eventually she asks me how many pills were in the bottle, how many pills did he swallow, how many pills are left and lots of other questions about pills to which the answer was “I don’t know.” And she would say, “You don’t know?” And I would again say, “I don’t know.”

After many precious minutes spent trying to convey my personal information to Nurse Killmenow and a game of “Questions You Don’t Know But I’ll Keep Asking Anyway” (which caused a flashback to fourth grade math class) she advises me to just watch him and that any extra medication would probably be excreted in his urine. Which is exactly what Mr. Google said.

And then I hung up and waited for CPS to come and get my child so he could be raised by wolves or someone more responsible than me.

Alas, all’s well that ends well, but I shaved a couple of years off my life that day and we all know I don’t have that many to spare.

25 thoughts on “Goose Eggs With A Side of Synthroid

  1. My son is four years old and on 75 much of Levthyroxine. I accidentally handed my daughter his pill instead of her gummy vitamin!!!! I swept the majority of it out of her mouth and freaked. Everything I read though says they’d have to ingest an awful lot of thyroid hormone for something bad to happen. Your post made me feel 100% better. Ahhhhh.


  2. Well I think have had alots of scares here. My 2 year old daughter Jazmine has done it all. One time she ate ice hot. I was so scared because I couldent figure out what she ate till my son brought the tube to me. I called poison controll and they told me to give her some ice cream. To stop the burnning. It helped a lot. But most of all she loves eating deodorantand so we have to keep it in a safe. She has also got ahold of blue star ointment she didn’t eat it but, she took a bath with it and it got on her privet area. I felt so sorry for her because all I could do was wash her off with soap. The dr said to wash her off and wait a day the put dipper cream on it.


  3. OOOOH that makes me feel better. I am an OBGYN doctor & I crushed up my dog’s synthroid & put it in my 3 year old son’s juice. I mistaked it for a new probiotic the pediatrician recommended. The bottles were sitting by each other on the counter & I opened the one with the picture of a dog on the “child/dog-proof-lid”. I have never told anybody but my husband that story. I feel much better now.


  4. Good times, good times…
    The Poose, who is almost 3 decided one day to take a whole bottle of folic acid tablets and pour them down the toilet. Then he screwed the top back on the bottle and put it back on the counter. Another time it was hubby’s Claritin poured out under his bed(guess the cat was looking allergic). Don’t get me started on how many times he’s emptied out those 7 day pill organizers full of vitamins. My absolute favorite? He got ahold of a can of beer with about 2 sips left sitting on the table on the back porch and helped himself. Had the hiccups for almost an hour. Gave him a cup of water to flush the stuff out of his system.
    Oh yeah. 2nd birthday, pediatrician appointment (well baby). Kid is covered with bruises because he’s two, and he’s clumsy. Doc comes in, and I’m thinking here it comes, CPS. She says “I bet you’re two”. Love the doc.


  5. I love it! I laughed so hard! I have called poison control before, one of my kiddo’s drank benadryl, it was childrens, so they told me to let him sleep it off. We have two boys, one who would eat anything as a toddler, luckily his older brother would stop him most times. But that same older brother opened up daddy’s vitamin bottle one day and started to feed them both viatamins “to make us healthy mommy!” Luckily my husband goes to GNC for vit. and they SMELL and TASTE horrid! Both spit them out and came crying to me cause their mouths tasted badly.

    Boys make life interesting.. 🙂


  6. I had a similar experience but my son took my potassium. It scared me, scared him and to this day he won’t mess with medicine bottles. Poison control is very calming and reassuring and professional. KIDS…they love to take years off of your life!


  7. well we havent swallowed anything here yet knock on wood, but I had to take 5 to the ER in Wisconsin last summer because not 3 minutes after telling him to leave it alone i would finish, he turned and sprayed carpet cleaner in his own eyes….
    this is the same child who snuck back into the kitchen after i sat him on his dads lap when he was around 2 and cut his thumb nearly off with my very sharp potato peeler….
    scary part of this was he walked past C holding his bleeding cut up thumb and to me and somehow managed to not get a drop of blood on the new whiteish carpet…
    i somehow was not prepared for the amount of blood involved in raising lil boys


  8. HA! Hahahahahahahahahah…thanks for sharing that gem…when you were holding him upside down by his ankles, did he look like a salt shaker?

    Just curious?

    Hahahahahahahah….all’s well, that ends well.


  9. I found this post so funny because I originally found your blog when I was desperately searching online after my darling 2 year old daughter ate potting soil. Somehow your blog came up on the google search. Your blog had me laughing despite my worry for my daughter and I bookmarked it. After I finished searching online and determined she didn’t have to be rushed to the ER, I spent the rest of the day reading your older posts and have been reading ever since.

    Thanks for the comedic relief in a stressful situation!!


  10. Last week, my boy fell off his bike and hit his head. It was one of the few times he was not wearing his helmet. I was just hoping he was O.K. so I didn;t have to take hiom to the dr. and admit, no, he didn’t have a helmet on. I have now threatened to sell his bike if he goes without a helmet again. Um , yeah, of course, I’m worried about his safety and his dear brain. But I want to able to take him to the dr. if necessary without being reported, too.


  11. Thank you for making me laugh so hard on a Monday afternoon! Whew, I needed that today. It’s amazing that any of us live to be adults.
    It’s my first time on your site. Shannon from Rocks in My Dryer sent me your way. Love it!


  12. As a fellow antique mommy of three precious gifts from God, I have found poison control is my very best friend in these situations. They know how to calm the freak in me and actually comprehend what I’m ranting about. And as a semi-senile mom (my words, I accept and embrace them) I have called frequently from everything from Rat Poison, yep, forgot my mom keeps a handy little bowl of that out at her cabin, to 37 Flintstones Vitamins when I stepped out of the room to change a diaper. (Who knew that a 20 month old could scale the kitchen cupboard to reach the countertop, push aside the coffee pot and unscrew a child proof cap that quickly?) I believe they told me she would have had to eaten about 50 of them to be toxic since they were the formula w/out extra iron. Since they are on my speed dial, sometimes I call just to check in on my good friends there. Kidding! It happens to us all, no matter how closely we watch them!


  13. I am laughing so hard right now! You tell you stories so well! The comments are a scream, too.

    My older son, Andrew, won’t even put most foods into his mouth so I never had a problem with him and medicines/cleaners, etc. He’s almost 10 now – maybe we’re out of the woods with that one.
    My younger son, Will, has had an oral fixation since birth. He has caused more than one “give mommy a heart attack” moment in his 2 1/2 years. Fortunately, he has given up his oral fixation for inanimate objects. As far as head bumps, I am still amazed that he’s not had any signs of brain damage from all of his spills. The doctor just laughs at us now…


  14. So, have you given more thought to inventing whiskey pills? After an incident like you described, that would be the perfect medication for mommy’s nerves.


  15. Oh, this is a good one. You can be so very funny!

    I’ve called poison control a few times myself. Five children but only one who is prone to eating weird stuff…a few swigs of white latex paint (“I thought it was a milkshake.”…in a painty old margarine tub?)…and thirteen Flintstone vitamins. How did I know it was thirteen? Today, I can’t recall. Wisdom from the Lord, I guess. She was fine both times though Poison Control said we needed to hold off on the vitamins for a week or so to prevent toxic iron levels. The only tangible reminder of those “MMM!…It all looks so tasty!” years are white spots on her adult teeth from the few times I didn’t catch her sucking down tubes of toothpaste.

    Memories. You know how to stir them up.



  16. Hilarious!

    Once my six month old fell off the counter. Actually he first rolled out of his bouncy seat (which happened to have a label warning me to never put it on counters or tabletops), then rolled off the counter while I was frantically trying to grab him.

    He came out of the whole ordeal without even a bruise. The nurse at the doctor’s office told me “Babies start moving around a lot more now – you have to watch them.” You think I would have figured out that out by child #3.


  17. Very funny story! My kids are all grown and married with kids of their own now. I remember stories like that when they were growing up and now they are “collecting” their own stories. It’s part of the cycle of like I imagine.

    Enjoying your blog


  18. I actually called 911 once because my daughter – who loved to play hide and seek without telling me – went under the house with the dogs. We were all out in the yard and I went in the house to check something I was cooking. When I came back out, no one would come to my calls. The dogs ALWAYS come. Fearing precious minutes were being lost while my child had been abducted, yet wondering how anyone could have entered my high fenced yard, and fearing total embarrassment when I finally found them all, I called the 911 lady. Fortunately for me, her questions took so long my daughter finally acknowledged my frantic pleadings and emerged from under the house with dogs in tow. I just sat on the driveway and cried.

    * * *

    Oh I know. It strikes terror in the heart when you call and they don’t come running. Sean did that to me one time in Kohls last year. He was hiding in a rack and wouldn’t come when I called. I was about to have them lock down the store. When he finally came out, I pulled his pants down and spanked his bottom right there in the store. And then I sat on the floor, hugging him and crying my eyes out. He hasn’t done it since.


  19. Is there something about thyroid meds that are fasinating to toddlers, so that just have to have them. My oldest did the same thing, even the same way sitting on the kitchen counter. Well, he lived through all my mistakes and now has kids of his own to make mistakes with.


  20. That is so funny! I especially loved the part about the game “Questions You Don’t Know But I’ll Keep Asking Anyway.” I’ve played that several times myself!

    I think every mother has a similar story. It’s a wonder any of our children live to reach adulthood! In a strange sort-of way, it’s nice to know that there are other mothers out there who have stories that are like mine.


  21. You are not alone with either situation, lol. I am pretty sure that I took my first child to the ER for goose eggs on his head about 4-5 times.
    Now I just brush those off, lol.
    My first child also drank almost an entire bottle of infant Tylenol and some of his sister’s asthma medicine. Not to mention the bottle of Windex with Vinegar.
    Just the other day, Sam, baby number 7, got into the cupboard, opened an unopened bottle of joint supplements and I was missing 30 of them. That was not fun.

    I think this is what blogging is about. Confessing things and finding out you are not the only stupid, neglectful mother out there, lol. I know that I have felt much better about myself hearing I am not alone.


  22. I had the same sort of conversation when my cat ate my pre-natal vitamins. Sure, I shouldn’t have been so freaked out, but I didn’t have kids yet, and so my cat was my kid. The pet poison control was calm but they asked me the same ridiculous questions including “could you please read the ingredients”. Really? you don’t have that magically listed somewhere?


  23. I have the exact same story except I take Levoxyl instead of Synthroid (same hormone) and I’m not as funny as you when I tell it.

    You know what I discovered when my oldest son was VERY young? POISON CONTROL. They are calm and profession, I don’t have any official connection to them, and they are much more knowledgeable about that stuff than the standard triage nurse. I don’t even think they’ve ever asked my name except one time that they wanted to follow-up. And you know the back of the medication boxes that say “consult a doctor if have a thyroid condition before taking this medication”? Again, poison control is the best source of information. I’ll call them at the drop of a hat now.


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