Jane

When my mother-in-law dozed off, I shut the door to her room at the assisted living facility and looked for some place where I could sit unnoticed and NOT think.

When you are visiting a place such as that, you can only really think one thought:  Life is a river flowing in one direction.  Eventually – and more quickly than the mind can conceive – the river empties out into the great delta of geriatric unpleasantness.

Unless one capsizes mid-journey and is swallowed up by the river, the delta is our destiny.  The great contradiction of the delta is this:  No one wants to go there and at the same time no one wants to not make it there.  And so we spend most of our lives pretending we can outsmart the river.

I found a little sitting nook in front of a window outside my mother-in-law’s room that overlooks a little courtyard and I pulled out my iPad hoping it would put me into an electronically induced coma of sorts or at least that it would serve as a Do Not Disturb sign and no one would stop to chat me up.

Within minutes, I sensed her rolling up behind me, chopping her slipper-clad feet at the carpet to scoot herself forward.

“Please oh please don’t stop,” I thought to myself, “Please just keep going.  Please don’t talk to me, please just let me be.”

But she didn’t keep going.  She stopped. She rolled up beside me and didn’t say a word.  I looked up from my iPad and out the courtyard windows, and there she was, her reflection next to mine, both of us gazing beyond the window and down the river.

Finally, because it was all that could be done, I turned to her and said hello.

“What is that you got there?” she asked, pointing to my iPad.

I told her what it was and that I was playing a game on it to pass the time while my mother-in-law napped.

She said she always wanted to learn how to use a computer but never did.  And now it was too late.

Then she told me her name was Jane.

Jane had big round blue eyes and a mostly clear mind.  She had been a high school English teacher in the west Texas town of Odessa.  Jane was a little more tart than sweet and it didn’t take long to fall in love with her.  For the next hour, she recounted scenes from her life in Odessa all while folding and unfolding a piece of paper in her hands.

When she ran out of stories or just grew tired of talking, we sat and stared at ourselves in the window.

“Would you like for me to read you a poem?” she asked unexpectedly.

“Yes, I would love that,” I said honestly.

She sat up tall in her wheelchair and in her English Teacher’s voice, she read:

Only Now –

This is the best time

The only now that

we have time

and soon, much too soon

Now will become then and

will start all over again

Negotiating

Pulsating

Vibrating

Celebrating

Now!!

When she finished, I asked her if she had written it.

“Yes, I did,” she said, “In 1981.”  She handed me the paper.  I re-read the poem and noticed her pretty youthful handwriting.  I saw that she had written down the date and even the hour that she had written it – March 14, 1981, 2pm.  I wondered what she had been doing that day, what in her life had brought her those poetic thoughts and why she wrote them down.  On that particular day in 1981, I was barely 21, at the headwaters of the river.

Jane1a

Just then, AD and other family members found me and set up camp in what had been my private nook and began chatting and sharing news as though nothing special had just happened.

When I turned my attention back to Jane, she had quietly slipped away and was scooting down the hall with her poem folded up in her hand.  I watched her scoot all the way down the hall and around the corner.

And I wanted to go with her.

Jane2

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12 thoughts on “Jane

  1. Every 5th Sunday, it is our family’s turn to take communion to a beautiful woman from our congregation who resides at the rest home. She is suffering from dementia, and I can scarcely take it. Following one particularly difficult Sunday, I was in tears as she told us that she and her sister and her dad were here at this hotel, traveling. She didn’t know what state they were currently in, but she knew that her sister (who had passed away some months back) and her dad (long gone) were in this hotel, close by. It just shook me up that she was so confused. And yet, every time we leave I feel blessed.
    So I especially appreciate that you didn’t want to be bothered. That’s a very real confession, and it makes the blessing of you meeting Jane that much sweeter. Like Jake’s A Girl said, God’s timing is amazing.

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  2. Hello, friend! Those seemingly small moments are so important, and I’m so glad you thought to write this one down. God’s “interruptions” are rarely just that, aren’t they?

    So happy to see you again! 🙂

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  3. What a touching story! Thank you for sharing it. I have found myself thinking I am “too busy” this first day of the year to visit my mom and mother-in-law, but I just may go visit them both now.

    Happy New Year. 🙂

    God bless you and your family.

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  4. This was a wonderful meditation to start my new year. Thank you, and may God bless you, Jane, and your mother-in-law.

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  5. I work at a retirement community. We’re independent living – no medical care – so most of our residents are very active and healthy but still have lived more years than I. I love hearing their stories! One of our residents recently wore his high school letter sweater – state football champs! Sometimes, we think we’re the only people who have stories to tell. Thank you for listening to and loving Jane. Too many people discount lives like hers.

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  6. People, especially old folks are like opening a book. Many stories to tell and when loved ones leave this earth it’s like a library is gone forever.

    Great story Tina!

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